New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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