did you get engaged???
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Randomize
