xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
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I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
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She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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