I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
