He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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