I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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