I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
