it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
