so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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