I can text with my tongue
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
