So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
