is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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