Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize