I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
