just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
