he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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