I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
