Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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