Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
