Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
