he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
only you would photoshop your dick
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
