just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
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Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
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I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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