dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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