Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
