dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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