Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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