Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
