I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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