i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
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Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
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But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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