I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
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