you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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