i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
