I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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