Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
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