You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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