Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
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I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
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I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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