I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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