gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
