i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
