Welp...herpes.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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