Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
