i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize