at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize