I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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