DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
