i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
