i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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