If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
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I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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