....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
