I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
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Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
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I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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