She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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