im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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