I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
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Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
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Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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