If that was your dad, he is hot
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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