This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
