I just cut my nipple shaving
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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