it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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