It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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