I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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