Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
